Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
