If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
