Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
