God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
