never play flip cup with pint glasses
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
