the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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