No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
