Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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