Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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