waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
