oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
