What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
