At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
