Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
