I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
