there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
