I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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