At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
