I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
