I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
this hospital has no fireball
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
