her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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