I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
