my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I pour the whiskey from now on
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
