were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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