yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
