is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
