so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
