im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
