I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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