Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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