Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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