margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
