If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
