i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
