Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Randomize
