I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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