member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
