Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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