I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Sponge bath it is.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
We left the knife in your bed.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
