I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
