i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She told me I should be a condom model.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
whose parrot is this?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
