yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
