If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
