it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Drunk is not a location!
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
