I think I just saw someone hide a body.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
