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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.

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• (334): View more from Alabama

  I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it

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• (623): View more from Arizona

  highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...

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• (727): View more from Florida

  It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.

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• (408): View more from California

  Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.

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• (+41): View more from Switzerland

  my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED

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• (601): View more from Mississippi

  She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.

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• (506): View more from New Brunswick

  Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.

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• (901): View more from Tennessee

  At least you have booty calls.

  (1-901): View more from Tennessee

  True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china

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• (910): View more from North Carolina

  Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.

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• (276): View more from Virginia

  LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.

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• (920): View more from Wisconsin

  But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?

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• (307): View more from Wyoming

  Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same

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• (262): View more from Wisconsin

  im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.

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• (901): View more from Tennessee

  I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.

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