me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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