Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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