it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
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