you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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