By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
