If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
